Sexual health- what about the guys? presented by Simon Blake, Brisbane, July 2006
Simon Blake, Assistant Director of Children's Development at the National Children's Bureau (UK), was invited by FPQ to present this full day workshop to approximately 40 participants. Below is a summary of his presentation, the handout "Boys and young men: Developing effective sex and relationships education in schools" by Johnny Coleman with Simon Blake, and notes from discussions on the day. This event was a collaborative initiative of FPQ and Child and Youth Mental Health Services. A DVD with highlights of the workshop will be available from the CYHMS Koping Library in the near future.
Anthony Walsh, Director of Education Services, FPQ, Sophie Morson, Psychologist, CYMHS, Liz Barber, Project Officer, FPQ, and Simon Blake, National Children's Bureau (UK)
The Real Man Trap
Learning about being a man begins at an early age. Messages about masculinity, both implicit and explicit, are reinforced by a range of sources- family, school, friends, sex and relationships education, media and pornography. Often the messages conveyed and behaviours observed reinforce outdated models of masculinity- this can lead to what Simon calls 'The Real Man Trap'.
small or 'imperfect'
(ie disfigured or disabled)
emotional or caring
frightened, scared or vulnerable
going to refuse sex
gay
careful
tough, strong and sporty
successful
self-sufficient
sexually knowing and wanting
heterosexual
risk takers
The end result is that boys learn to define themselves in opposition to girls and gay men. They also create a mask for themselves that separates their internal and external worlds.
This 'Trap' has many dangers. It prevents boys and young men from developing their self-esteem and emotional resourcefulness so they are unable to think when they are feeling. They are also prevented from developing communication and negotiation skills. Lastly, when a boy or man stretches beyond the Real Man Trap, there can be unexpected and unpredictable backlash from others, which may include physical violence, rejection from friends and family, or verbal and emotional abuse.
Young people often live up to expectations. Currently, boys and young men are stereotyped as uncontrollable, incompetent, anti-social and promiscuous. Practitioners and carers can help to destruct the Real Man Trap by rejecting these stereotypes and clearly demonstrating that men are expected to be aware of sexuality, health and relationships. Programs need to provide opportunities for boys to master new ways of being men.