Feel Safe - Promoting Self Protection

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Helping children to be safe is one of our most important responsibilities. Teaching personal safety skills can be valuable and rewarding.

Personal Safety for parents and carers

Personal safety skills are one way to help children to be safe or know how to find safety. This factsheet talks about how to help children be safe from sexual assault. The factsheet also explains how to use the FPQ booklet for children on Personal safety, I have the right to be safe.

Many parents and carers are concerned about the safety of children. This is a valid concern as statistics on sexual abuse show the issue is very real. Sexual abuse is against the law. It includes any sexual contact with a child and showing a child sexual acts or material.

Sexual abuse can happen to any child. Some children have a higher risk of being sexually abused. These may include children with a disability, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, refugee children, children of sole parent families and children of parents who have alcohol abuse, substance abuse or psychiatric problems.

It is important for every child and family to learn personal safety skills.

Avoid talking about “stranger danger” to prevent sexual abuse of children. Perpetrators of sexual abuse and assault are most commonly people who are known to the victim/survivor because of their relationships or employment.

Parents and carers can reduce the risk of abuse.

Giving children information and skills about personal safety can help.

Learning about personal safety includes:

self esteem
assertiveness
body awareness
understanding feelings
understanding relationships
identifying the rules about touch
knowing what to do if the rules are broken

When to start

Children are never too young to learn about being safe and whom they can talk to if they need help. Children with learning difficulties and disabilities can and should learn from an early age.

How to help

make time to talk
make time to listen
acknowledge feelings
believe in and respect your child
remind them that you are always there if they need you
teach personal safety skills
celebrate your child and let them know you love them

What to teach

Use the FPQ booklet, I have the right to be safe, to help teach the following topics.

Feelings

Help children to understand and recognise different feelings and how to talk about these feelings with someone they trust.

Bodies

Talk to children about the names and functions of both public and private body parts. It is important that they feel good about their body and know that their body belongs to them.

Types of touch

Children need to know about the many different types of touch in their lives and recognise whether a touch is loving, friendly, helping, sexy or a NO touch. This can help them to know when they need to tell someone they trust about confusing touch.

Rules about touch

Teach children the rules about sexy touching. Knowing the rules helps children to be aware of their rights and responsibilities.

Warning signs

Teach children to know when their body tells them something is wrong. Help children to know how their body reacts at times of stress including scary, confusing and sad situations. When the body does this it gives warning signs such as the heart beating fast, sweating, crying and shaking.

What to do

Practice ‘NO GO TELL’ with children. Teach them to be clear, loud and assertive when saying ‘NO’. Encourage them to ‘GO’ to a safe place. Sometimes children are unable to say no or go to a safe place. Remind them that they can always ‘TELL’ someone if something has happened.

Who to tell

Make a list of the people they can talk to and how they can contact them. Encourage them to keep telling until they feel safe.

Scenarios

Practice safety techniques using make-believe situations, TV shows or children’s stories. Ask them to say what they would do and how they would get help.

Assertiveness

Support children to stand up for themselves. It is important that they learn how to make decisions and have real choices. Remember you are their best role model.

Giving information

Do not worry about giving too much information. Children will only take in as much information as they are able to understand.

Remember to be positive, factual and brief:

Be positive by talking about their ability to be safe and focussing on strategies rather than consequences.
Be factual. Children do not need to be fearful of monsters and all strangers.
Keep it brief. Short, regular talks about personal safety are better than just a one-off talk. Teach safety skills in every day situations to reinforce information.

What to do if a child talks about sexual abuse

You can help by:

not panicking or expressing shock or outrage as this may make the child think that they have done something wrong
listening
telling them that you believe them
thanking them for telling you and saying that it was the right thing to do
emphasising that whatever has happened was not their fault
telling them that some people do wrong things
talking in private
acknowledging that it is hard to talk about such things
not giving promises that cannot be kept, for example, that you will not tell anyone or that you will stop it happening again
contacting the appropriate support services

Not all children can or will tell you if something has happened. Often there are other signs or behaviours that may indicate abuse. Talk to support services if you suspect something has happened.

Remember to trust your own warning signs and seek help. If a child is assaulting others take it seriously. Be supportive and find out how you can best help them and stop abuse from happening again. Abuse is rarely a one off situation.

How to help yourself

It is important to seek support for yourself if your child has been sexually assaulted. It can be an extremely emotional and difficult time. It may help to talk to people you trust, gather information from support services and books and see a counsellor. Some people may seek help through police and legal services.

References

Fergus, L. & Keel, M. (2005). Adult victim/survivors of childhood sexual assault. ACSSA Wrap No.1. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Retrieved 17 December, 2012 from www.aifs.gov.au/acssa/pubs/wrap/w1.
Gibson, L. & Leitenberg, H. (2000). Child sexual abuse prevention programs: Do they decrease the occurrence of sexual abuse? Child Abuse and Neglect, 24(9), 1115-1125.
Hunter, C. (2011). Responding to children and young people's disclosures of sexual abuse. Practice Brief No. 2. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Retrieved 17 December, 2012 from
www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/brief/pb2/pb2.pdf
Tarczon, C. & Quadara, A. (2012). The nature and extent of sexual assault and abuse in Australia.
ACSSA Resource sheet number 5. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Retrieved 17
December, 2012 from
www.aifs.gov.au/acssa/pubs/sheets/rs5/rs5.pdf

Where to get more help

Parent Line 1300 30 1300
Department of Child Safety 07 3224 8044 / 1800 811 810
Police Communications 07 3364 6464
Lifeline 13 11 14 (24 hour crisis counselling line)
The Talera Centre 07 3397 7287 (for children)
Disability Training Program – Victims of Crime 07 3862 4066 (for people with a disability)
Murrigunyah 07 3290 4254 (for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women)
Immigrant Women’s Support Service 07 3846 5400

This factsheet is best used as part of a personal safety education program with the FPQ booklet, I have the right to be safe. Also available is an educational CD-Rom, Feel Safe, promoting personal safety for young people with learning needs.

Winner of the 2002 Child Protection Week Award for Curriculum in Schools.

Disclaimer

Family Planning Queensland (FPQ) has taken every care to ensure that the information contained in this publication is accurate and up-to-date at the time of being published. As information and knowledge is constantly changing, readers are strongly advised to confirm that the information complies with present research, legislation and policy guidelines. FPQ accepts no responsibility for difficulties that may arise as a result of an individual acting on the advice and recommendations it contains.

Funded with assistance by Queensland Health